Posts Tagged ‘family fun’

Fireflies, S’mores and Star-filled Skies: Making Family Memories

Wednesday, July 11, 2018 @ 01:07 PM
Author: admin

fireflies-smores-and-star-filled-skies-making-family-memoriesAs adherents of Adoption-attunement, we believe that having fun together as a family is an integral factor in building successful connection and attachment. It is far too easy to get hyper-focused on the education and discipline aspect of parenting and to lose sight of the priority fun needs to serve. Summer offers a perfect time for reprioritizing our focus.

Ensure that the memories your family shares include far more happy times than times of anger and disconnection.

How can we best bring joy into our daily family life? Get outdoors! We all know that spending time in nature benefits us in both body and spirit. Children crave being outside curling their bare toes in the sand, digging in the mud, climbing trees and running with the sheer pleasure of being alive.

fireflies-smores-and-star-filled-skies-making-family-memoriesIf ultra-high temperatures dissuade you from getting out, why not try some twilight of after-dark activities? Remember the delight of catching fireflies? Here are just a few ideas:

Spread a blanket and admire the stars.

Have a picnic supper.

Set out a dessert bar and indulge. Let kids pile on the ingredients. (Resume healthier eating on the next day.)

Make s’mores, play squirt gun or flashlight tag.

Take a night-hike around the neighborhood.

fireflies-smores-and-star-filled-skies-making-family-memories

Dig deep into your own childhood memories and rediscover the simple activities you loved to share with your family and then update them for your own kids.

Please share your ideas and family traditions so we can all have more fun being family.

https://wp.me/p4r2GC-20E

 

 

Emotional Bank Accounts & Family Balances

Thursday, April 3, 2014 @ 01:04 AM
Author: admin

Silhouette, group of happy children playing on meadow, sunset, sApril Fool’s Day. Practical jokes marked the day and made us think of the importance of laughter. This is especially important for families whose kids had tough starts and who wrestle to manage their behaviors. Too often parents fall into ruts of endless consequences for a child’s poor behavior choices. While discipline is essential and yes, consequences have their role, it is essential that families have fun together. It builds warmth into relationships and creates an interest in the feelings, opinions, and values of family members. This is the glue that cements families together. Steven Covey calls this emotional connection, an Emotional Bank Account. Like a monetary bank account, it must be funded regularly to avoid depleting the balance and running bankrupt.

What are your favorite family fun activities? For kids who are easily overwhelmed, how do you manage to keep the excitement from overflowing into chaos? Perhaps one parent/one child games are best. Until the entire family can play together happily, find ways to enjoy being together in smaller groups. Keep trying  to play as a family and remind kids that even if it didn’t work out this time, there will be another opportunity to succeed.

Be creative in finding ways to laugh and be happy together. Set an intention to make family fun a priority. Take photos and encourage conversations that recall the happy times spent being together. These moments of intimacy build a cushion of good will and happiness that carry families through the times of crisis and conflict. Keep a “high balance” in the Family Memory Bank, too. Focus on the good memories; it’s easy too lose sight of them when raising kids with tough starts, brittle emotional thermostats and challenging behaviors.

For more details on the Emotional Bank Account concept:

Emotional Bank Account                 (based on material by Dr. Steven Covey)

One of the basic skills of adult coping is learning how to be fiscally responsible. A checking account requires monitoring. Deposits must exceed withdrawals. A robust balance provides peace of mind and security. An overdraft can produce very unpleasant results. Bounced checks. Service Fees. Account closure. Bankruptcy.

The emotional health of a family can be viewed in a similar way. Deposits can be made in many ways. Some can be large, some small, but each is significant. As with cash balances, the “interest” really increases over time. This emotional nest egg provides a cushion or resource for the tough times when they arrive –and their arrival is a certainty. Families who have nurtured this emotional priority have a rich resource available. In families running on low balances, emotional bankruptcy can result. This painful outcome can be avoided.

The emotional health of a family does not just happen. It is created through intention and conscious effort. It takes the same degree of commitment and intensity as that given to career development. Promotions don’t come to the employee who arrives late, leaves early and goofs off while on the job. This same dynamic operates in family life. What you put into it determines what you will get out of it.

In addition to the joint family account, each has an individual account as well. Each contributes. Each benefits. The family thrives. Making deposits to one’s own account FOR oneself is important as well. This models respect for self and teaches others how to respect themselves as well. The size of the deposit is irrelevant. What is critical is making the deposits and keeping a positive balance. When the time comes for life to present a “draw” on your family’s Emotional Bank Account, how will your family fare?

A few ways of making deposits in the Emotional Bank Account are:

Courtesy                                                              Thoughtfulness

Keeping Agreements                                           Acts of Kindness

Gentle words                                                       Accountability

Fun                                                                      Helpfulness

Humor                                                                 Gift giving

Clarifying expectations                                        Loyalty to the absent

Acknowledgments                                               Understand other point of view first

Genuine compliments                                          Noticing effort

Encouraging the little steps to change                Listening to their ideas

“I” statements                                                     Acts of service

Awareness of the contribution of others

 

A few ways of making withdrawals in the Emotional Bank Account are:

Rudeness, arrogance                                              Disloyalty to the Absent

Insist on own points before listening                      Breaking Promises

Avoiding, ignoring                                                   Unkindnesses

Violating Expectations                                             Discourtesy

Pride, Conceit, Arrogance                                       Negative body language

Camping out in the past                                          Expecting failure

Sitting in judgment                                                  Humor as a weapon

Assuming                                                                Humor used to deflect

Tone of voice                                                           Relying on “mind reading”

Sarcasm                                                                   Assuming

Humiliation                                                               Ridiculing

“You” statements                                                     Criticism

 

Adapted from © 2003 Resource Realizations      Steven Covey