A Strong Foundation Is Only The Beginning

February 3, 2012

While adoption can be built on seemingly a strong foundation - with parents who outwardly appear secure in their relationship and successful in their life - the inner structure may have some hidden issues that will need to be addressed.

Like a house, the foundation is only the starting point of the house.  Once the foundation is built, the interior of the house is constructed.  Many times, there are issues that occur once the house is built, issues that might not show up even upon close inspection.

Although our children are not a commodity whom we inspect, we only know a portion of their story when we adopt them.  Most of their story does not start to unfold until they begin to grow and develop.  Because of our own patterns and what we think "raising children" should be all about, we do not discern the issues that may arise due to their history and their connection to their birth-parents.

Like a house, we cannot determine all of the issues until we have lived in it for some time, and even then, it is going take a lot of tender loving care to make it our home.  In order for a house to become a home it needs a pulse, a heart that can only be maintained if it is lovingly nourished throughout the years. It is the care that we give it that keeps it from falling apart as it matures and  gets older.  The pulse of our family depends on the nourishment that we give to our children, especially if they have been adopted.  Our adopted children need to know that even if they are not internally strong, we will be there to assist them in their development and growth.

Keeping our foundation strong will help them build an inner structure that displays outwardly its worth.  Like any house, there will be imperfections that will appear over time.  Yet, if it is well taken care of and if those imperfections are accepted as part of its beauty, then it will continue to be a workable structure for many years.

A house becomes our home due to the nourishment we have provided.  With our love, support and guidance, our children will development a strong structure that will enable them to be their best, even as problems arise...because they will.  Our children will be able to deal with what is necessary in order to keep the "whole" structurally sound and working beautifully from the inside out.

Joann DiStefano

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