Intentional Families recognize the importance of having fun as a family. Creating special family holiday traditions is a great way to accomplish this. Whether the event is religious like Passover and Easter, or secular, holidays are important events in a family’s life.
As adoptive families, we have a unique interest in including both our personal traditions as well as those traditions that stem from our child’s birth culture. Why not become a family with a global perspective? Open your celebrations to include influences from around the world. Embrace your differences as well as your commonalities. This perspective encourages tolerance and respect. It sends a message of inclusion that emphasizes relationship instead of a biological connection.
Whenever families gather for a good time, energies run high, excitement increases and noise levels skyrocket. Remember, this can overwhelm some kids, especially those with Tough Starts or trauma histories. Create agreements and strategies that allow them to separate from the chaos, regroup, and self-regulate. This pre-planning empowers your child and demonstrates your belief in their ability to handle things. It also reinforces your relationship because it respects their needs over an obligation to participate.
Ensure that your child feels welcome, validated, and empowered. Stay mindful and observant. Even the most enjoyable activities might have trigger memories of unpleasant events from a child’s past. Think beyond the obvious—music, food, activities, loud voices—any of these may trigger hurtful memories. Respect your child’s past while you work together to build new memories, healthy connection and have fun. Add deposits to the Family Memory Bank, ones that you will treasure and revisit for a lifetime.
A loving, permanent family is worth celebrating!
I wish I knew this when our children were little. They would always act up at big family celebrations. Now I know why. We learned to scale back and give them the ability to tell us when they are done. It makes parties and celebrations so much more enjoyable for all of us.
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Some thoughts:
Passover is a wonderful ritual and we have often invited non-Jews to participate. One year my son, then maybe 11 or 12, invited 5 over for the seder dinner — that was 5, then add the other two kids’ 2 or 3 invitees — well, it was a wonderful evening — if you know seders — it was a LONG wonderful evening where half of the 25 attendees were not Jewish! That kind of experience does help focus us on the connections we have as human beings as well as biological.
Another point, Moses, the hero of the exodus story, was adopted. A point that my kids used to bring up each year with particular pride — adopted AND Jewish, too! Moses rocks! We adoptive parents have to seek out those stories of adoptees/adoption to which our children can relate.
Every year we sit at the seder table and tkae time to remember and retell the story of the Jews’ exodus out of Egypt. And we reflect on all people of the world that remain in bondage — may our lives be worthy of that precious freedom.
Finally, when my kids hit the wall and acted out, I finally learned we were in what I call “situational overwhelm.” Once you know what it looks like, you can take care to be sensitive to its occurrence. Even as an adult, it is a positive habit to be sensitive to when I have had enough or my family has had enough and to retreat to regroup!
#adoptiveparenting
#adoption