Hello friends! This time of year is busy! Having just celebrated Mothers’ Day, our family is looking forward to our second son’s high school graduation. I know for me I have been thinking that my son is nearly the same age as his birth-mother when she had him. Yes, these moments in time can bring up feelings around adoption both for the child, parent as well as the siblings. Although our feelings may not be articulated, they are nevertheless there under the surface and can be cause for irritation, resentment, or misunderstandings.
A practice that I recommend is to first notice your feelings despite your discomfort, name what those feelings are about even if articulating it evades you. Getting clear on what you are feeling either allows you to get a different perspective and that may include recognizing them and moving on or seeing something in yourself that you might want to work on. Further, shedding light on your own feelings allows your children to see your openness and vulnerability and offers the possibility of creating just enough opening for them to express what’s on their mind as well. Yes, as my son approaches his graduation and prepares to begin another adventure in his life, I can acknowledge matter of factly the wonderful gift his birth-mom gave to me some 18 years ago as well as understand the loss that each of us has experienced in our own way.