Growing Intentional Families Together Blog
Read our blog to find out the latest on adoption.
On Fathers in Adoption—Having One and Being One
In adoptive families, being a father and having a father have extra layers of complexity for both parent and child. As adoptee and adoptive parent Joanna Ivey says, each member of the triad experience losses and grief. Each carries wounds. Understandably, there is sensitivity, plus both a hunger for and a wariness around connection. This is why intentionality, empathy and education on Adoption Attunement and adoption complexity are essential in adoptive parenting. There is another layer in this paradigm of adoptive parenting…
The Many Faces of Mothers in Adoption
Adoption weaves a complicated web of intersecting perspectives around motherhood. One of our first hurdles centered around language. In adoption, the word mother often wears descriptors, e.g., expectant mother, birth mother, first mother, natural mother, genetic mother, biological mother, surrogate mother, mother of experience, to name just a few. At first glance, focusing on language might seem like hairsplitting. In fact, it is so much more. Each term reflects a unique aspect of mothering and the person it describes.
When Adoption Grief and Losses Are Ignored and Minimized
Pause for a moment to consider the emotional rollercoaster Marcie’s family has faced. Tally the relationship fractures, the grief and losses, the attempts to reconnect and heal. Imagine the courage it took to dare to open up to connection, to risk rejection after all of that broken trust damaged, intimacy, and rejection. What can her story teach us about adoption?
Blinders and Rose-colored Glasses
Our culture’s predominantly views adoption as totally benign. This assessment creates huge blind spots and yields little space for the complexities of adoption. It ignores the profound grief, significant losses, and life long challenges experienced by adoptees and birth families—especially birth mothers. Rose-colored glasses create a distorted sense of adoption reality. For example,…
Love Is a Gift
Love takes only four letters to spell. Yet... Love is far more than just a simple word. As a lived reality, however,...
On Belonging and Parental Loss in the Adoption Constellation
Having four parents in their lives means adoptees have more people to cheer them on, to love them and to support them. The flip side of that is that one day, adoptees must grieve the death of each of their four parents. Each loss reverberates to awaken echoes of other losses. How can they receive the support they need?
The Gift of Less
Often, the effort to find the “perfect” gift generates stress, anxiety, and worry. We can’t predict or ensure a positive impact. Why is that? Well, in addition to the normal dynamics at play, the silent yet potent influence of the seven core issues in adoption press inexorably.
Is Adoption Beneficial?
Is adoption beneficial? How will we, how can we answer that question? While we might surmise how adoptees feel about adoption, our best guesses cannot begin to describe their experiences. We need them to use their voices and share their insights. For too long, adoptive parents and adoption professional have spoken on behalf of adoptees. They’ve told adoptees how they should feel, what they should think, and what they ought to say about adoption.
Supporting Adoptees at School
How can parents help teachers to know and understand the needs of adopted children? What should parents share and what should they keep private? How can parents and teachers be proactive about triggers and traumaversaries?
Insights on Open Adoptions
An open adoption reflects a blend of both physical interaction and a mindset in spirit and in fact. Adoptive parents demonstrate an openness mindset when they hold an emotional and psychological attitude that welcomes the presence of birth/first parents and extended family.
