Posts Tagged ‘Intentional Parenting’
Building Connections, Making Memories: Campfires, S’mores & Good Times
Last weekend I went camping with my son and his family. Something magical happens when we gather around a campfire, toast marshmallows, snack on S’mores and notice the star-studded sky arching overhead. Good times! It’s a total break from the routine of our ordinary, very busy lives. We relax. Talk. And when silence falls, it feels welcome and comforting which is good for the spirit, good for the body and good for the mind too. We notice the sounds and smells and appreciate the beauty of our environment with a fresh intensity.
Of course, living in VERY tight quarters also challenges one’s relationship skills. Everybody must choose to reset their needs for personal space and be intentional about finding ways to be helpful or at the very least, to stay out of other people’s way. When it comes to food, what we brought is what you can have. Makes no sense to fuss for what’s at home & not in the camper!
One maxim that serves well is, “Value the relationship more than being right.” It’s human nature to incline to a stance of personal “rightness.” This often gets in the way of getting along, of operating from a “we” perspective instead of insisting on imposing an “I” perspective. Another Intentional relationship strategy is to focus on deliberately building memories, ones that last a lifetime and become stories that get repeated through the passing years: “Remember that time when PJ spotted the mermaids in the river?” (true!–only in Florida, LOL!) and “Remember when Nana’s tube became untied and she started to float away down the river and she couldn’t swim fast enough to get back?” (That really happened; fortunately, my son quickly retrieved me!)
During this upcoming Labor Day weekend, why not plan some family memory-making activity? Can’t get away? Why not build a campfire in the backyard? Or, have a “camp out” in the house complete with a picnic meal and “tent.” (Fitted sheets draped over the backs of chairs make an easy, temporary tent.) Use your imagination. Go on a night hike. Play flashlight tag. Notice the stars while simply enjoying being together. Be intentional about creating a memorable chapter in your family’s history.
Share your ideas and let us know what you created as a family.
Reflections on a Year of Intentional Parenting
We are about to conclude another year of Intentional Parenting. I invite you to take some time to review the year. What pops first into your mind? Was it a memory that conjured feelings of connection, warmth or pride? Or, was it something which reeks of regret, disappointment or anger? The answer reveals a lot about where our attention and energy has been drawn. If worry, fear, frustration, anger or rejections dominates the conversation, it will tilt our thoughts and beliefs in a negative direction.
Let’s revisit the question and this time, clear your heart and head. Use a lens of neutrality. Now what memories spring to mind? How did things shift?
How many are positive? How many of these memories conjure up moments of struggle or conflict? Perhaps 2017 held many challenges and this negativity dominates your thoughts and feelings. Dig until at least some positive moments take center stage in the 2017 highlight reel of your life. Savor this perspective of celebrating what worked in the past year.
Notice how this intentional shift allows even more positive memories float to the surface.
As you review the highlight reel of the past year. Focus on the top three memories. Pause to enjoy them for a few moments. Which of those three memories bring the warmest feelings?
Three-peats
Choose three success to analyze. What factors contributed to successful encounters? Who was involved? How did each person influence the outcome? How might you increase the likelihood of similar positive interactions in the future? In addition to the elements that you want to include what should be eliminated? Keep in mind that the prime directive of Intentional Parenting is the nurturing the relationship. Unless it is healthy, parents will find it difficult, if not impossible, to influence children positively and inculcate their core values.
Trifecta Redo
Contrast these elements of success with factors that inflamed conflict. What role did your family values play? Resist the temptation to tackle every item on your list of things to improve. This creates overwhelm and reduces the likelihood that the desired changes will result. Instead, prioritize; select three items you commit to improving.
What flashpoints tended to trigger breakdown? It is a truism that we can only change ourselves. So, determine how you can interact differently when these types of conflict reappear. Get clear on who owns the “problem.” How do each person’s beliefs, attitudes, actions and, assumptions influence the conflict? How do entrenched patterns keep the family stuck?
Use the Well-formed Outcomes[1] approach to develop a strategy for change.
What do you truly want?
State it in the positive.
Can you initiate it?
Can you control it?
Chunk into manageable task size.
Determine evidence of completion.
Use sensory terms –see, hear & feel it
What must be included?
Actions, places and people
What must be eliminated
Actions, places and people
What’s the context?
Who else? Where? When?
What are the current barriers?
What results will the goal yield?
(Positive & Negative)
What resources are essential?
Set action Steps Specific/achievable.
What is the first step?
Create several ways to get result.
What time frames are involved?
Create systems to support outcome.
[1] Adapted from Resource Realizations
http://wp.me/p4r2GC-1Uo